A gentle guide when you’re not sure where to begin
Have you ever felt that tug to start something—only to realize you’re not even sure what you want?
You’re not alone.
So many of us spend years moving through life meeting expectations, fulfilling responsibilities, and taking care of others. In the process, it’s easy to lose touch with our own desires.
But here’s the good news:
Not knowing what you want isn’t a flaw.
It’s an invitation.
An invitation to get curious, to listen inward, and to discover (or rediscover) what lights you up.
Today, let’s explore why it can be hard to know what you want—and how you can begin to find clarity for whatever comes next.
Why We Lose Touch With What We Want
Before you blame yourself for feeling stuck, consider these gentle truths:
You’ve been conditioned to please others.
From childhood on, many of us were taught to put everyone else first. Over time, this can drown out our own voices.
You’ve been in survival mode.
When you’re exhausted or overwhelmed, your brain prioritizes getting through the day over dreaming about the future.
You haven’t had space to ask.
When life is full, it’s hard to slow down long enough to wonder: What do I truly want now?
If any of these feel familiar, give yourself grace. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re simply human.
Ways to Begin Reconnecting With Your Desires
You don’t have to figure it all out today.
You don’t have to make big declarations or commitments.
You just have to start listening.
Here are some gentle ways to begin:
1. Notice What Draws You In
What catches your attention lately?
What books do you reach for?
What conversations energize you?
Curiosity is often the first clue.
2. Reflect Without Pressure
Try journaling or mind mapping with prompts like:
- What have I always wanted to try?
- What am I drawn to but afraid to admit?
- Where in my life do I feel most alive?
Let it be messy. No censoring or editing.
3. Pay Attention to Envy and Longing
Sometimes, what you envy in others points to what you deeply want for yourself.
If you notice yourself thinking, I wish I could do that, pause.
Ask: What part of this speaks to me?
4. Experiment in Small Ways
You don’t have to commit to a whole new path immediately.
Dip your toe in.
Take a class, visit a place, read about something that intrigues you.
See how it feels in your body and spirit.
5. Be Gentle With Yourself
Remember: clarity rarely arrives all at once.
Think of it as a conversation with yourself that unfolds over time.
The Role of Identity and Values
Sometimes, the reason we don’t know what we want is that we’re not fully sure who we are or what matters most to us.
Your sense of identity—who you feel yourself to be beneath the roles—and your core values are like a compass.
They help you sort what’s truly meaningful from what’s just noise.
I’ll share more about exploring identity and values in a future post. For now, simply know: these deeper roots will help guide you toward the right next thing.
A Final Encouragement
If you feel unclear right now, trust that you are still moving forward.
You don’t have to know everything to take the first small step.
You just have to stay open, curious, and honest.
Clarity is a process, not a lightning strike.
Reflection for Your Heart
What small curiosity or longing keeps tugging at me?
What is one gentle way I can explore it this week?
You deserve to know what you want.
You deserve to pursue it without guilt.
And you deserve to believe that it’s never too late to begin again.
—Laura